My first poem - and the earliest creative thing I know I ever wrote (along with a picture of a rainbow and a couple of Daleks). I know it's after I started infants' school in late 1976 because I remember having difficulty drawing the number 5 for a while in my first few weeks or months there. But compared with a couple of other things I've kept from this school, this seems pretty primitive. It's also exactly the sort of thing you'd right when you're learning all about numbers for the first time. I'm sure I could read and write before I went to school but I wasn't as great with numbers, so this poem might have come about as a result of my mastery of the first eleven numbers and how they relate to words that rhyme with them. So I reckon I wrote it in my first year at school, around 1977 when I was about five.


Despite its subject matter, the fact that my Dad wasn't dead and that it really isn't funny in any way, I remember my childhood self thinking it was hilarious. But that's probably because I'd made the amazing realisation that seven, eleven and Heaven all rhyme.


Please try not to take this as disturbing evidence that I might be a murderous psychopath (though I might be one, you never know) but as a gentle foretaste of the disappointingly unfunny semi-lunacy to come...

Apeth (Feb 26, 1980)
The Yellyog Gang
Would you like to join?
Mar 1980
Half teddy, half dinosaur
Feb 26, 1980
from Outer Space
Feb 26, 1980
Robschnitt's Age
ith irst etters issing
ar 980
Back Up Top
Look at My Dad - deeply unfunny but weirdly morbid. And yet strangely cute
Grobschnitt's Page
A violent alien prankster!
Feb 1980
Gary Le Strange relaxing in the Comedy Store
Apeth, the dyslexic primate from outer space - you can tell I've given his appearance a lot of thought
Tedosaurus - half teddy, half dinosaur
Mystery Personality was just one of the ever-fascinating Yellyog Gang - or at least he would have been if I'd ever written anything about them
Grobschnitt - an alien prankster inspired by German prog
Grobschnitt was one of the few characters I did actually return to