I don't know what it is about this piece but every time I read it I can remember just a little bit about how it felt. It was a hot summer's day and for some reason it came to me as a flash of inspiration - almost like a religious experience - that my role on this Earth was to be "the nutty Messiah" and that it was my duty to teach everyone how to become as insane as possible (or, if not, become the most blissfully insane version of me that I could possibly be).


Though I wouldn't have called it such at the time, this was like a political manifesto or a religious creed. This was my vision on the road to Damascus, and though it didn't last too long (i.e. it eventually wore off and I became capable of other moods than 'hyperactive nutter'), in many ways, it has stayed with me throughout my life. Yes, it's unfunny rubbish and it really doesn't know how to express itself in a way that anyone would find remotely acceptable, but the feeling was there - what I would now call a "mad half hour" - a manic rush of creativity in which I was unable to stop talking or coming up with ideas, so quick and plentiful that you can't write them down fast enough and it would probably take a lifetime to follow them all up. But eventually, it ebbs away and you slowly return to being your normal, boring, unfunny self, thank God.


I could go on about this, but I fear you will think I have no perspective. This piece of writing is indeed one of the most embarrassing things ever committed to paper, and by posting it on the internet I may be summoning self-destructive powers of a magnitude which I can not yet comprehend - powers that will force people to forever associate my name with this horrific piece of unfunny nine-year-old garbage.


But believe me - anyone who thinks Lesson Six of their 'Advanced Nuttiness' course involves committing suicide (and, actually, Lesson Ten as well, if you look closely) really should be referred to some doctor or other. Then again, "Be funny" and "Look stupid" are quite good pieces of advice for anyone who wants to be a comedian. So on the whole, it's quite fair and balanced.


I never did change my name to Rudolph the Blue Nosed Reindeer. I wonder why?

Stand and Deliver (Jan 25th, 1982)
Back Up Top
New Wave Daft Characters (Jan 1981)
How to Be Nutty - Page 1
How to Be Nutty - Page 2
A violent TV review
Jan 27, 1981
Flash Harry
Nude men and bum sniffing
Jan/Feb, 1981
Stand and Deliver!
Your mummy or your wife!
Jan 25, 1982
The Bikeling Club
It was very realistic
Feb 1, 1982
New Wave Daft Characters
Just what we needed!
Jan 1981
I think the Bikeling Club is secretly on mushrooms
Stand on your liver! Your mummy or your wife!
Gary Le Strange relaxing in the Comedy Store
A serious turn towards aggression or was I just bored?
Flash Harry - oh dear, now Shepherd's writing about childish stuff like streaking and bum smells. Can't he act his age for once?
The most effort I've ever put into the most useless shit