This has no date on it but I found it folded, loose, inside my first Park High English book,and, given the title, my head keeps telling me that I must have written this during my first year English exam. I assume in the summer?


If that's true, I've no idea whether this was a free choice or whether we had to write a story about an examination or what the hell I was asked to do.


But either way, I have to say I'm quite impressed with what I did. It has a go at exams, it conveys how we all felt about them, it has a go at the (imaginary) teacher, and not just a little dig but a whole paragraph, in fact several digs throughout. And even though he's not based on any particular teacher, the character of 'Hippy' who bursts in at the end is definitely based on my class teacher (and  English teacher), Mr Shaw. He was a great bloke and really wouldn't have minded (in my comic strips about the class I often portrayed him as Neil from The Young Ones) but I still can't believe I had the gall to do it, especially since he'd be marking it.


It's also packed with jokes which aren't hilarious but don't embarrass me, and features a surreal dream section in the middle based on a series of fantasy gamebooks available at the time. And some of the language is pretty freewheeling as well - "Mr Gretsnabber was mean. Man, I mean mean, man, I mean, man. Yeah, man." Not to mention such made-up words as "narkwondoogwangyaggasindo".


Naturally at the end we all die. Because the ceiling is inept and cannot defy gravity, even though it tried. Which is in its own way quite heartwarming. But ultimately nihilistic because it renders the whole exercise pointless.


Risky? Cocky? Or just couldn't help it? Sadly there's no mark on it so we'll never know.

It (1984)
The Quest for
JJ Willybonker
Back Up Top
The Boy Who Chewed Too Much (June 7th, 1984)
Apeth (frum Ota Sbees)
Apeth (frum Ota Sbees)
An unfinished novel
A Mad Half Hour
Ranting in the Attic
The Wepherds
Soap Opera
May 1984
The Boy Who
Chewed Too Much
June 7, 1984
JJ Willybonker - I'd be proud to have a name like that and even prouder to write an unfinished book about him
'It' was just the name of Chapter One - if I'd finished Chapter Two, this might have been called 'A Faceful of Dongers'
Gary Le Strange relaxing in the Comedy Store
A picture I stuck to my bedroom door in an attempt to keep people out
Shane Wepherd smashes his own daughter's teeth out with a bar of soap
The final story in the incredibly interesting Richard Forsythe quadrilogy