I wrote a lot of books when I was young. Or at the very least, started a lot of them. Most, like this, would barely get beyond Chapter One. Occasionally I would finish one (I still have an entire 'serious' sci-fi novella I wrote when I was ten, which isn't even remotely funny, doesn't belong in this section and therefore you'll have to wait a long time before I let you read it) and I completed a fair few Doctor Who-related stories too (all of which are way too dull to read). Plus there's a complete Issue 1 of Socko! comic and another comic I made called Horror '82 which are really quite hilarious. But of course they're not meant to be.


Around 1984 (or maybe 1985), I also managed to finish two tiny comic novels - one called 'The Disgusting Piece of Stinking Fungus (and what it did)' and another direct sequel to it, the name of which escapes me. Both of them given away to girls I fancied (which didn't help at all) and thus lost forever. But they were probably very much in the same style as this, which may even have been a forerunner of them (see the end of the chapter for more confirmation) - a free-roaming stream of consciousness which takes just as much inspiration from my own previous work as it does from Douglas Adams, Spike Milligan and the Fighting Fantasy Gamebooks I used to love at the time.


This isn't a great story but it's interesting enough. Bit sad about the female toilet queue joke, but I was twelve. Or maybe thirteen. Just trying to be clever and failing miserably. The handwriting's a bit larger and more open and I appear to be more comfortable with slipping in the odd sex-related joke (even if they stick out like a sore finger) and using naughty words like 'bastard' without relying on my newly-discovered teenage sexuality to dominate the entire plot. So I reckon I was a bit older than the boy who wrote Shane Wepherd's Affair and calmer than the maniac who did A Mad Half Hour in the Attic, but only just.



The Quest for JJ Willybonker (1984)
Learning Skruplokian
A guide for travellers
Back Up Top
The Examination (Summer 1984 - age 12)
It - Page 1
It - Page 2
It - Page 3
It - Page 4
It - Page 5
It - Page 6
It - Page 7
It - Page 8
The Quest for
JJ Willybonker
The Examination
Exams Squared
Summer 1984
The Wepherds
Soap Opera
May 1984
The Boy Who
Chewed Too Much
June 7, 1984
Learning Skruplokian - a genuine guidebook I actually finished, so visitors to the planet Skruplos could communicate with the locals
JJ Willybonker - I'd be proud to have a name like that and even prouder to write an unfinished book about him
Gary Le Strange relaxing in the Comedy Store
Shane Wepherd smashes his own daughter's teeth out with a bar of soap
The final story in the incredibly interesting Richard Forsythe quadrilogy
The Examination - written about an examination, during an examination