I must admit I had to think long and hard about whether to upload this. A completed book which acts as a dictionary and handbook to a made-up language (part Yorkshire dialect, part Waen Shepherd's weird 12-year-old brain), this is exactly the sort of thing I expect people to glance at once and immediately decide that I think I'm some kind of clever dick who needs bullying and insulting every day on Twitter. Obviously a parody of the French, German and Latin textbooks I had just started using in language lessons at Park High School, it's the sort of thing only a clever dick with an academic interest in language and an overconfident sense of their own funniness would do. And such people usually need beating up or shouting at until they give in and admit they're not as clever or as funny as they used to be.


Then again, I look at this and I think, who else would have the patience to do something like this? Who would bother to start it or even have the idea in the first place? The language is completely impractical, mildly satirical but, on the whole, the main impression I get from this is that only a madman would write it. Seriously - to write this (and probably even to read this), you have to be a disturbed nutter of the highest order. And somehow that balances it all out, so I thought what the Hell? Upload it - show them all just exactly how anally insane you could actually be.


So here it is, in all its glory - possibly the most pointlessly insane thing I have ever done. Except of course this, this, this, this and this, and probably this. Please don't try it at home.



Man of the Future (1984)
Never Take Sweets
From a Stranger
Mar 26, 1985
Back Up Top
The Quest for JJ Willybonker (1984)
Learning Skruplokian - Front Cover
Learning Skruplokian - Page 1
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 2 & 3
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 4 & 5
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 6 & 7
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 8 & 9
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 10 & 11
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 12 & 13
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 14 & 15
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 16 & 17
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 18 & 19
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 20 & 21
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 22 & 23
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 24 & 25
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 26 & 27
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 28 & 29
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 30 & 31
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 32 & 33
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 34 & 35
Learning Skruplokian - Pages 36 & 37
Learning Skruplokian - Back Cover (which has clearly been previously glued to something - perhaps a scrapbook)
Man of the Future
A scientific illustration
The Examination
Exams Squared
Summer 1984
An unfinished novel
The Quest for
JJ Willybonker
An 11-page epic about an acid trip written by a 13-year-old who's never taken drugs
Man of the Future - a biological examination
Gary Le Strange relaxing in the Comedy Store
The Examination - written about an examination, during an examination
'It' was just the name of Chapter One - if I'd finished Chapter Two, this might have been called 'A Faceful of Dongers'
JJ Willybonker - I'd be proud to have a name like that and even prouder to write an unfinished book about him