Possibly the most embarrassing piece of 'artwork' I've ever done in my life (though
their are many other candidates in the written word category), Knob Head Magazine
(of which only this fragment survives - of course, it may have been the only bit
I actually made, but the sellotape marks on the edge suggest otherwise).
This hails from the same period as Shane Wepherd's Affair strip, when I had reached
puberty and was pumped full of new sexual hormones without the ability to know what
to do about them. The obvious thing was to channel all these new feelings into my
"art". Too risky for putting into my schoolbooks, the new ideas had to find an outlet
in my home-made books and comics.
At first, this might seem like comedy - indeed, I've put it into the comedy section
because he appears to be a comedy character at first - you can sort of imagine something
like him in Viz, and his strip reminds me in many ways of the stuff I used to do
with Mighty White Corpuscle. Plus the idea of me doing this at the age of 12 is hilarious.
And any superhero called "Knob Head" has to be a pisstake, right?
But look more closely at the introduction on Page 2 and you'll see why I find this
thing so embarrassing. I don't really remember, to be honest, it was so long ago,
but I have a notion this was meant to be deadly serious. "Nothing childish here,
folks!" says the editorial. I really do think I meant it - this was my version of
"adult" when I was 12 years old.
I don't know who 'Big Prick and the Hairy Gang' were, but it's obvious they were
the "horrid hairy things" chasing the blonde woman. I can imagine Big Prick would
look a bit like Knob Head but more evil, but as for the rest of his hairy gang, I
shudder to think.
I don't know if I'm contravening some kind of obscenity law by uploading pictures
of penis-faced men and women with big breasts drawn by me when I was technically
still a child, but since it was me who did it, me who's uploading it and - I think
- an important stage of my artistic and behavioural development, I'm sure it's all
probably OK. If not, could the police politely e-mail me and ask me to remove it
rather than just turning up and ramming my door down? Uploading this is embarrassing
enough without having to be publicly shamed for it as well.
Mind you - maybe I already did that by uploading it in the first place?
NOTE TO PEOPLE WHO WANT TO COMPLAIN BY POST: Don't write to the address on Page 2.
I haven't lived there for nearly 20 years.
The Wepherds Soap Opera May 1984
COMEDY Back Up Top 1971-2016
Underpants A pretend hit single 1984
Bobby Goes to Scunthorpe My first comedy song Spring 1984