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Possibly the most embarrassing piece of 'artwork' I've ever done in my life (though their are many other candidates in the written word category), Knob Head Magazine (of which only this fragment survives - of course, it may have been the only bit I actually made, but the sellotape marks on the edge suggest otherwise).

 

This hails from the same period as Shane Wepherd's Affair strip, when I had reached puberty and was pumped full of new sexual hormones without the ability to know what to do about them. The obvious thing was to channel all these new feelings into my "art". Too risky for putting into my schoolbooks, the new ideas had to find an outlet in my home-made books and comics.

 

At first, this might seem like comedy - indeed, I've put it into the comedy section because he appears to be a comedy character at first - you can sort of imagine something like him in Viz, and his strip reminds me in many ways of the stuff I used to do with Mighty White Corpuscle. Plus the idea of me doing this at the age of 12 is hilarious. And any superhero called "Knob Head" has to be a pisstake, right?

 

But look more closely at the introduction on Page 2 and you'll see why I find this thing so embarrassing. I don't really remember, to be honest, it was so long ago, but I have a notion this was meant to be deadly serious. "Nothing childish here, folks!" says the editorial. I really do think I meant it - this was my version of "adult" when I was 12 years old.

 

I don't know who 'Big Prick and the Hairy Gang' were, but it's obvious they were the "horrid hairy things" chasing the blonde woman. I can imagine Big Prick would look a bit like Knob Head but more evil, but as for the rest of his hairy gang, I shudder to think.

 

I don't know if I'm contravening some kind of obscenity law by uploading pictures of penis-faced men and women with big breasts drawn by me when I was technically still a child, but since it was me who did it, me who's uploading it and - I think - an important stage of my artistic and behavioural development, I'm sure it's all probably OK. If not, could the police politely e-mail me and ask me to remove it rather than just turning up and ramming my door down? Uploading this is embarrassing enough without having to be publicly shamed for it as well.

 

Mind you - maybe I already did that by uploading it in the first place?

 

NOTE TO PEOPLE WHO WANT TO COMPLAIN BY POST: Don't write to the address on Page 2. I haven't lived there for nearly 20 years.

A Mad Half Hour in the Attic (1984)
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The Wepherds
Soap Opera
May 1984
COMEDY
Back Up Top
1971-2016
Shane Wepherd: The Affair (1984)
Knob Head Magazine - Page 1
Knob Head Magazine - Page 2
Underpants
A pretend hit single
1984
Bobby Goes to Scunthorpe
My first comedy song
Spring 1984
A Mad Half Hour
Ranting in the Attic
1984
Shane Wepherd
The Affair
1984
Shane Wepherd smashes his own daughter's teeth out with a bar of soap
A picture I stuck to my bedroom door in an attempt to keep people out
Gary Le Strange relaxing in the Comedy Store
My pretend record "Underpants" probably did well in my imaginary Top 40
Detail from the tape cover to The Wepherds, which features my first recorded comedy song
A line I didn't expect to find in a comic strip written by a 12 year old