SO, around the Whitsun holidays in 1983, I went on holiday to Somerset with my Mum and Dad, their friends Ralph and Christine and their two sons Steven and Richard, who I saw quite a lot around that time. We stayed in a cottage somewhere near Taunton and, having taken my tape recorder with me, one night when the adults went out, Steven and I recorded a tape full of made-up rubbish (Richard didn't really join in - not his scene). Steven did most of the talking, mainly because he was the oldest and was going through a brilliantly sharp and funny hyperactive phase. I attempted to keep up with his tirade of jokes and insults but he definitely wins.


At some point later in the year, I recorded over most of it with a brain-smeltingly boring made-up Doctor Who adventure, but most of Side 2 remains - including a little speech I made quietly on the landing to myself the next morning, once I had the time and space to be on my own and think through the exact words I wanted to say that, out of me and Steven, I was obviously the acest. I also promised to keep the tape for the rest of my life, which I did (so far at least) and so here, online for the first time, is the stupidest and most embarrasing part of the earliest known recording of me. Just click on the picture to the left (yes, that's what I looked like that week) and the audio will astound you.

First Day at School (Oct 17th, 1983)
Back Up Top
Backwards Castle (Jan 27th, 1983)
Somerset 1983
The Bikeling Club
It was very realistic
Feb 1, 1982
Christmas Already?
New school, new rules?
Dec 14, 1982
First Day at School
Do I secretly wish I was him?
Oct 17, 1983
A Cautionary Tale
Animal Lovers Beware
Nov 3, 1983
Backwards Castle
A backward step?
Jan 27, 1983
A picture of someone nailing a Catherine Wheel to a dog's head - something I didn't expect to find in a story written by a 12 year old
My teacher Mr Shaw brands my character Richard Forsythe 'evil' but I just think he's bored and misunderstood
Gary Le Strange relaxing in the Comedy Store
I think the Bikeling Club is secretly on mushrooms
One of a handful of comical tales I wrote at Love Lane Juniors in Pontefract
Another from Love Lane, featuring the hilarious vampire "Count Backwards" (yawn)