Under a Beef Red Sky
Mummy, Mummy, look at the sky
It looks like a big pile of meat
Strawberry pork, strawberry pork
I buried pork, I buried pork, I buried pork
When I'm Prime Minister
Politicians think they know stuff
And they think they’re cool but they’re not
They just make a pig’s ear of stuff
And the whole damn world’s gone to pot
When I’m Prime Minister
I’m gonna make this country fab and groovy
(Put it back on the map)
When I’m Prime Minister
I’m gonna strut my stuff, get down and boogie
(Politicians are crap)
Every night, I have a dream that when I’m in charge, there’ll be no more war and despair
Everybody will be so happy, they’ll all start dancing and fling their clothes in the air
Then some naked ladies will come in my room and touch me on the balls
All my minions will marvel at my political expertise
Naked ladies will fancy me in my military fatigues
When I’m Prime Minister
I'm gonna be so big and rich and famous
(Everyone knows my face)
When I’m Prime Minister
I’m gonna touch the bums of naked ladies
(Naked ladies are ace)
Every morning, I fantasise that when I am King, there’ll be no more famine or plague
Everybody will be my mate and I’ll be Number One in the pop charts every single day
Then a load of naked ladies touch me on the willy in my TARDIS
All around the world, the kids will venerate my name
Folks gonna say I’m the hippest cat in the hemisphere (x3)
Naked ladies fancy me because I'm cool
When I’m Prime Minister (x4)
Kidney Piper
By the old bandstand at the end of the street
A dirty old man stands in the fog and the sleet
Playing songs on instruments made of meat
He tries to play Greensleeves on the beef clarinet
You count yourself lucky if you ain’t heard it yet
Sounds a bit like someone blowing through beef
“Alleluia”
The kids sing to ya
“Come, come, come to my slum”
Sang the kidney piper through a slab of mutton
“Come, come, come to my slum
Where the kids dress in meat rags and so does their Mum”
“Alleluia”
The kids sing to ya
Mom and Dad don’t seem to give much of a fig
While the mucky man mesmerises the minds of the kids
And leads ‘em all off in a rapturous jig
Flings ‘em in a dungeon, chains ‘em up in a line
Forces ‘em to dig up raw meat from his mine
And uses it to construct vast pyramids
“Alleluia”
The kids sing to ya
“Come, come, come to my slum”
Sang the kidney piper through an antelope's lung
“Come, come, come to my slum
Where the kids will eat sheep’s heads and so will their Mum”
“Alleluia”
The kids sing to ya
I don’t think I understand it myself, stand it myself
Sounds like just a noisy racket to me
But the kids seem to like it
It could be an age thing
Or some kind of dog whistle frequency
To me
It sounds
Like this:
(atonal synth noise)
But to the kids
But to the kids
It sounds
It sounds like this:
“Come, come, come to my palace of chocolate
Where you can eat sweeties all day
And you can stay up and watch telly all night
And Santa will bring Christmas toys all the time
And no one will force you to learn anything
And no one will make you eat parsnips for tea
And I won’t make you toil in my terrible mine
Forever
Ever
Ever
Ever”
Shivering in the Rain
Why am I shivering alone in the rain?
Is it because I locked myself out my flat yesterday?
Maybe if the cat had hands, he might open the door and let me in
But then I guess he’d punch me for not feeding him this morning
And that just wouldn’t be fair
You’ve got hands! Open your own tin!
The badgers and the crocodiles come out in the rain
Their stupid beady eyes laughing at my flabby, naked form
Maybe I should murder a tramp and nick his coat so I don’t freeze to death
Or maybe I should just call my wife and ask her to open the door
Or I could lumber around the town
Scaring horses and babies and little old ladies
Maybe I should just find a brick and hurl it through my window
But my flat’s on the 58th floor and I don’t think I can throw that far
Unless I got me some kind of laser-
But you know how expensive they are – I may as well buy a new flat
Maybe if I concentrate hard enough, I can blow a hole in the door with my mind
But what if I miss and blow a hole underneath my feet
And go tumbling down like a snowflake to the Kingdom of the Frogs?
I don’t wanna go there
No, no, Mrs Jones
I don’t wanna die in the filthy land of the chuffing frogs
Aaah! Um! Kwok!
Aaah! Um! Kwok!
Secret Wolf
Secret wolf
Well, I locked you in the shed
Cos you’re not right in the head
And the neighbours want you dead
Secret wolf
You are noble, proud and true
But I worry about you
Cos of what you tend to do
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if you bite one of the neighbours on the bum?
Please don’t bite
You’re my shining ray of light
Love to cuddle you at night
Though I know it isn’t right
Cheek to cheek
Well, they say that you’re a freak
With your scaly leather beak
C’est le monsteur genetique
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if you bite one of the neighbours on the bum?
Remember the time
We went dancing at the club
And you lost your mind
And bit some neighbours on the bum?
Maybe one day
We can do all that stuff again
But only if I replace your face
With something less offensive
Secret wolf
Well, I hide you in a shrub
So that I can feel you up
When I come back from the pub
Secret wolf
No, I’ll never set you free
Gonna eat you for my tea
So you’re always inside me
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if you bite one of the neighbours?
What if I bite one of the neighbours?
What if I bite one of the neighbours?
What if I bite one of the neighbours?
What if I bite one of the neighbours on the bum?
Midnight Bastard
I’m the Midnight Bastard
I’m a bastard – I’m a hangman with a noose
I’m the Midnight Bastard
I’m a gangster – I’m a panther on the loose
I honk like a gander saying “Boo” to a goose
I’m the Midnight Bastard
I’m the Devil – And I don’t got no excuse
I’m the Midnight Bastard
I’m a prowler – An’ I’m a-
I’m the Midnight Bastard
I’m a scowler – An’ I’m scowlin' at the moon
I tippy-
I’m the Midnight Bastard
I’m a burglar – You better dial 913502
And I go
A hoo hoo hoo, a hoo hoo hoo hoo
A hoo hoo hoo, a hoo a hoo hoo”
Like this
A hoo hoo hoo, a hoo hoo hoo hoo
I don’t know why, I just like it, I guess
I’m the Midnight Bastard
I’m a zombie – I’m the jumpin’ jivin’ dead
I’m the Midnight Bastard
I’m a mangy tramp with a gammy wooden leg
Got an entire rabbit’s body on a string around my neck
I’m the Midnight Bastard
I’m a hunchback – I got bells all bongin’ inside my head
And I say
A hoo hoo hoo, a hoo hoo hoo hoo
A hoo hoo hoo, a hoo a hoo hoo
Like this
A hoo hoo hoo, a hoo hoo hoo hoo
I don’t know why, I just like it, I guess
I eat more pork and chicken than any man you’ve ever seen
Eat so much pork and chicken that I’ll probably turn into one
I smoke 500 cigarettes every single day of my life
Stick 50 of ‘em in my gob and smoke ‘em all at once
My eyes are wild and wonky, I got snake heads in my mind
Just like a gorgon Jesus, my gaze will turn you into wine
I’m slithery and I’m sinister, you better catch me if you can
I’m a deep fried Baptist minister
I’m the flippin’ flamin’ funky pork and chicken man
A bawk bockee
A bawk bawk bockee
A bawk bockee
I’m the pork and chicken man
A bawk bockee
A bawk bawk bockee
Oh yeah, I’m the funky pork and chicken man
A hoo hoo hoo, a hoo hoo hoo hoo
A hoo hoo hoo, a hoo a hoo hoo
Like this
A hoo hoo hoo, a hoo hoo hoo hoo
I don’t know why, I just like it, I like it, I guess
Lyrics by Waen Shepherd 2005-
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